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NEW YORK CITY —American media conglomerate Cheddar Incorporated, current owner and operator of the Rate My Professors (RMP) online academic review service, announced that they are currently beta testing a new web service dubbed Rate My Project Partners (RMP²), which is expected to bring massive innovation to the process of finding other people to do one’s own work.

Rate My Professors (www.ratemyprofessors.com) has been a widely used web review platform and a highly comprehensive database of college lecturers in North America ever since it was conjured into being by a Californian warlock in 1999. Using an even darker art known as PHP, the developers under Cheddar’s employ aim to replicate the technology and apply it to class group projects such as those assigned and loathed at the University of Maryland.

“It is very difficult for me to find chemistry with my team,” senior software engineer, Marty Havarti, complained unprompted when UMD Hare news correspondents initiated an interview with him. Havarti is employed by Cheddar as a project lead for Rate My Project Partners. “I’ve already done the whole backend myself after Provie said he would go halfsies with me on it, and that’s in addition to the HTML structure I already agreed to cover for Limberg,” he continued. “But I digress. Yeah, I do like to see this as a personal project of mine at times.”

Boasting a database of even larger projected size than Rate My Professors, RMP² will allow users to look up undergraduate college students by name, post reviews of their ability to hard-carry a semester-long group project, and read older reviews from their fellow group project inmates from prior classes and semesters. Individuals are rated on a one to five scale in various categories such as “GroupMe response time” and “percentage of work done”, and users are allotted 350 characters per review to sing praises or shift blame as necessary.

“Mozzy didn’t answer his phone for a week, and when he did I had to tell him we can’t run with the branding ‘Rate My PP’ since we need to distance ourselves from Snapchat and their clientele,” Havarti rambled even after the Hare had concluded their interview.

The academic community eagerly awaits the launch of RMP², and some internet users have even shown enthusiasm by posting “5.0” reviews en masse to the Rate My Professors entry for Marty Havarti, who taught computer science classes at a community college prior to his work for Cheddar. Only a single one-star review for Havarti exists, reading “he faled me 4 use chatgtp”, posted by a user reporting a grade of XF.